Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Time to Breathe

Yesterday night after talking, venting and expressing my thoughts about tennis to anyone who would listen I decided that tennis wouldn't be right for me this year. I knew going into the season that it wasn't going to be like it had been and that was worrisome, but it was much worse than I thought. Yet I am not alone in thinking that tennis is too much, another girl on my team also decided not to play this season today. It's incredible how reassuring it is when you aren't the only one doing something. I struggle with comparisons and needing to know what others are doing to feel confident in myself. It's something I work on every day and it's a major weak-spot when I'm stressed. But I know one thing for sure, that this decision was the best decision for me.
Since I wasn't at practice after school today I got to go to Starbucks after school and study before picking my brother up early from baseball. I enjoyed this time to myself, to study in an environment that I love to work in. This time helped me feel incredibly prepared for when I came home, knowing that my History homework was already done. What an incredible relief! This week is still a struggle for me to complete every assignment and I'm cutting it close. But I know that every day is a challenge and it's what I decide to do with that challenge that defines me. Hopefully, a class of Pure Barre tomorrow will get me incredibly prepared and motivated for a night full of studying for biology!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Frustrated.

Life has been crazy lately and I apologize for not posting. I can't seem to find time to come up for air, Junior year is no joke. The first day of tennis was today and at this point I don't see myself lasting until the end of the week. I'm overwhelmed. So overwhelmed that I am "frozen" and don't know what to do. I just sit at my desk and look at twitter, facebook, etc. so there is something to keep school off of my mind. I don't know how to balance it all.

School is hard. Tennis is rough. Nothing is turning out how I want it to be. I also don't see the point of sticking around and keeping up with tennis for the purpose of putting it on my college application. Isn't it supposed to be more than that? Pure Barre is a recent new find of mine and I am loving it so much. I have a blast working out, which for me and my asthma is a totally new concept. I'm dying to just go and do the classes three days a week, become more involved volunteering and ditch tennis.

I hope that through this I can figure out what I want. To not play tennis for the purpose of putting it on an application, but rather be able to go to a college and tell them who I am and why everything is there on my application. I want to be happy with what I decide to do and I don't think tennis will do that for me. I don't know what to do. I'm so stressed I don't see myself making it through tonight, let alone practice tomorrow or Wednesday. Hopefully a good nights sleep will help me sort some of this out, because at this point I'm lost and confused.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Little Things

It has been a long week, friends. I'll be glad when the clock hits 2:50 tomorrow and I can go home, pack for my dad's house and spend a night catching up on copying notes while emptying out my DVR! 

Tonight I let the smallest things get to me. I lost a highlighter, one highlighter, at school today and was completely distraught that I didn't have it. It completely derailed me from what I was doing. Not good!

I'm struggling this week. I've been trying to get as much done as possible but it's causing so much stress. I have so much to do but I start too late or get distracted too easily! Next week I have a test or a quiz every day and it is no time to mess around. I'm trying to manage my time as wisely as possible but at this point I'm just struggling getting done what needs to be done. And I'm exhausted.

The week that never ends will be over in less than twenty-four hours and I just need to make it through. I need strength and I am praying hard tonight for a positive outlook. During these silly times it makes me focus on my relationship with God. That He knew that I would lose my highlighter and trusting in him worked when we were getting groups assigned in class this week, I don't know why I have reason to doubt Him today. 

Over the smallest thing, one highlighter, when I have a plethera of highlighters in my room, I need to learn to let things go. It's been a challenge that I have always struggled with. I'm a perfectionist and type-A to the T with a pinch of OCD. I try to do my best but have to remember to focus on the reason why I am doing everything, not just when I'm at church on Sunday but during those troubling Thursdays too. Our God will always be there for us, an incredibly comforting feeling.

"‘For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
Jeremiah 29:11

Friday, February 3, 2012

My Bookshelf: January

Finals had a large impact on how many books I read this month! Woof. I am behind and need to get reading! Hopefully I'll be able to catch up this weekend! Here are the books I finished, read and am reading for January!

I finished The Great Perhaps!
Read Comfort and Joy; short, sweet and just what I needed during crazy finals week that was truly two weeks!
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I'm currently reading The Overachievers!
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What did you read during January? Happy reading!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

After School Snapshots

 De-lish!
 My desk on a Thursday afternoon before homework! Love my screensaver & essential after school drink!
 My L.L. Bean tote finally shipped! It came yesterday! I'm in LOVE! The monogram is to die for and the quality is incredible.