I've found a new way to keep myself blogging in a more real and doable way on tumblr. I've had a tumblr that has been a mini Twirl & Curl since I started this blog. The problem is that I don't love the name "Twirl & Curl." I've tried to, I really have, but this isn't the space that I feel motivated to log into and share my heart. Tumblr has turned into the place that I wish this blog could be but, to have the successful blog I want a vision needs to be there and there isn't one right now.
This means Twirl & Curl will be quiet for a while longer and it likely won't ever come to be the place I want it to be, that seems too different. You can find me here on tumblr and I hope that if it encourages you in any way or you can relate to my struggles that you follow along. It's much more honest and authentic, which I want it to be. Hopefully, I'll have a big blog again soon that becomes a website with a purpose. This isn't it, though. Here's to making the right choices to create the best year for each of us in 2013, even the ones that are hard.
Happy Friday, everyone!
Friday, December 14, 2012
Today is the day to mourn with those who mourn and grieve with those who grieve. Not to argue over laws and regulations, today is about being thoughtful. Incredibly thoughtful.
These unfortunate, horrible events are unexplainable There is no why that can be pinpointed and solved. We live in such a fallen world.
I'm so grateful that this world is not my own, that I have a Savior who has saved me. Filled me with grace, forgiven me. Given me hope, even in the darkest of moments.
Unfortunately, these extremes highlight what matters most. What we seem to forget matters when there is a Calculus test on Monday or family tensions are running high.
I'm still trying to figure out what matters most to me, truly and honestly. I cannot confidently state to y'all in two sentences what matters to me most. But I do know what doesn't matter...wasted time on Facebook or Twitter, comparing myself to others, worrying instead of action.
This weekend, I'm reeling in on wasted time because every single moment that I am given on this earth is for a purpose. It was given with intention. And the moment I stop living my life to glorify the One who has given me all of this, it's a life that has lost its meaning.
I'm beyond grateful for Christ, who can meet me in my confusion, in my hurt for the families that I haven't met. For the parents of beautiful babies, mourning the loss of a piece of themselves. I'm hurting tonight and I can only imagine what the individuals involved in todays incident must be going through.
My heart is heavy, full of prayers and aching, resting in the comfort of God today, who can give us what we need most in these moments.
Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Posted by Mackenzie at 9:53 PM
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Thursday, December 6, 2012
My heart is so full and so grateful for the night I was able to have with the small group of people that I learned how to learn with.
We laughed, we giggled, we talked about memories that I had long forgotten. There was something about being in those rooms and buildings again that made it all come flooding back.
I loved elementary school. Every day I loved school, I truly enjoyed my time there.
It brought back memories of Valentine's Day. Where everyone would bring someone their ideal lunch. We'd all bring lunches and give them to each other (secretly) and we would all receive the lunch of our dreams.
It was the sweetest, most thoughtful event I ever thought imagined.
Is there a way to re-create this in a high school setting? Because if there is, oh I am going to bring it back.
Tonight, I left with a feeling of purpose, after listening to Mark Driscoll's sermon on Work and Worship in the car on the way there, I felt a change.
New intention was found in the why of me wanting to be a teacher to first graders.
I want to encourage them and be the person that believes in them, even if nobody else does.
I want them to shoot for the moon, because they will land among the stars.
I want to encourage my students to be the best that they can be and not let anyone tell them that they aren't good enough or smart enough. They can do whatever they believe they can do, which means the sky is the limit.
I would be so grateful to play this roll in student's lives. To be the one that is encouraging them. I'd love it.
Sure, teaching is a job that is not glamorized or makes millions, but I believe I'd be following the path that God has me on at the moment.
Maybe what I'm feeling right now changes, that I find that God has a different path for me and that I will encourage others in a different way. But right now, after tonight, I feel so motivated to see this as the why of being a teacher.
I'm so excited to put in the work and study so that I can be the encouragement that these student's need to make the best world possible.
Tonight, I am so grateful. Grateful for my elementary school, for a game of ultimate bump that never changes, and the incredible friends that I've made throughout the years.
God is good.
ps: I brought that leaf into my fourth grade science classroom and Katie still teaches in that room, with that leaf, eight years later. Absolutely amazing.
Posted by Mackenzie at 9:31 PM
Monday, December 3, 2012
I haven't felt good this weekend and something just feels "off."
I felt sick on Saturday and have felt physically fine on Sunday and today for the most part but not myself.
I feel like I've lost part of myself. I don't know what part though or how it has happened.
Nothing drastic changed, there was no life altering event. Nothing.
Just me, myself and I struggling. Really, truly, struggling.
I feel like I'm in the thick of it, in a dark, nasty place where every single bit of encouragement has gone out the window.
I can't think positively. I blame myself. I'm not sure who I am or why anymore.
It's odd to me and I cannot figure out a why, but there isn't always a why.
There isn't always a problem that can be identified that has a solution. Life isn't an equation I need to solve.
I feel challenged to depend on God more, but don't know how.
I feel like I'm not close enough, but don't know how to get closer.
I want to do what matters, but how do I know what matters?
How does studying for a Calculus test every week and a Stats test every other week doing what matters?
I feel fired up by that statement one minute, one hour and then the next? It sounds cheesy.
What does "doing what matters" even look like to me?
And I think I've hit a road block. I don't know what the why is and I can't pinpoint a purpose.
I can't come back to the issues, identify where the "why" has gone wrong and fix it.
I would like to fix myself.
I cannot fix myself and at the moment, that is beyond frustrating.
I want to be better, feel better and feel like myself again.
But I feel frozen, not sure if it's my typical frozen-by-fear self or if it's something new and different.
It surely doesn't feel right.
I feel like the answer lies within God, but I don't know how to find it.
How do I find the answer from Him, friends? How do I get back to the point of saying God is good and truly meaning it with my heart and soul?
Prayer is my game plan. Trying to study the Bible is a worthwhile effort but I'm not sure if I'm going in with the correct mindset.
Is there a correct mindset to going to the Bible for answers?
I wish there was a correct formula, a right and a wrong for all of this.
This challenge, I will overcome it.
I just wish I had the answer key.
Posted by Mackenzie at 8:00 PM
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Speaking a positive that you think. Their hair look pretty today? Love their constant positivity? Tell them!
Pure Barre. Working out, doing the hard work, pushing myself, getting out that anger. Seeing the physical, tangible results.
Reading my Bible. Studying God's word that He has given us to read. I need to read it more.
Going to church, singing songs that ignite the light inside of me. This is not the end, friends! We have such hope and joy to look forward to. Grateful for this constant, weekly reminder.
Texting friends encouragment. Lifting them up when you have no reason to believe otherwise.
Acting purposefully towards others with the same intent that you would want someone to treat you. It comes back, start it and it will continue. Maybe not instantly but it will. Believe.
Jesus Christ is Lord and Savior.
Doing the hard work. It's hard, I know it and that's the challenge. It almost is physically painful to take the next step into action, into doing. But friends, it will be so blessed. Do the work. See the results.
Failing. I learn best when I make a mistake, goof up. When I think I know something and get it wrong, that's the moment I learn. When I know the difference between x and y, the reason why. It clicks. I'm so grateful that I'm not perfect, no matter how much I want to be.
That everyone fears, that if we were all more vulnerable with what we feared we'd be able to encourage each other much more effectively. We'd be comforted in the ways we need most.
Sharing our knowledge. This is all Lara Casey, but if we collectively share our knowledge for success we'd live in a much more successful world. I'm grateful for her and her crazy power with a keyboard and her fingers. Her blog, rocks. my. world.
Making Things Happen. I believe it changes people and I cannot wait until I know it's time for me to do something, make a difference and attend. To meet the people that will encourage me to face my fears. To walk the plank and take the leap, surrounded by friends in the water no matter what.
In honesty. In facing my fears. In doing the hard work. Admitting where I fall short. Owning up to my mistakes and saying "I'm sorry," without the "buts."
Encouraging you to do what you're scared of. Face your fears, ignite the fire inside of you that makes you want to change the world.
Sit for one hour this week, challenge yourself to figure out your "why."
I plan to do it this weekend and can't wait to share it with y'all later down the road.
Posted by Mackenzie at 8:20 PM
Thursday, November 15, 2012
I'm turning 18 on the 18th and I'm spending my Golden Birthday Weekend in a different state with three girlfriends. The joy is overflowing out of me at this point.
I cannot wait to see what happens this weekend. We have no incredible plans, I'm not throwing an incredible party or planning to do anything illegal or questionable.
This weekend is girl time. It's rest time. It's be together time. It's be in the moment time.
I'm trying to have low expectations so that nothing but goodness can come from this weekend and I think I have just enough excitement. That's probably not ture and I probably have too much excitement bubbling over but oh my, girls I am SO grateful for this weekend.
I'm grateful to be (almost) 18. I'm grateful to be healthy. I'm grateful to be traveling. I'm grateful that I get to spend the weekend with three girl friends that I know I'm going to have a blast with. I'm grateful for giggles and laughing until your jaw and abs hurt. I'm grateful for sunshine and a good book. I'm so grateful for everything the Lord has blessed me with. So, so grateful.
As old as I now feel--okay, I should definitely not feel old at 18 but I do, I don't feel old enough to vote, to sign my life away or to serve my country--I'm trying to be grateful in the midst of it. That age is just a number.
I want to always remember that no matter how old or young I feel, I'm never not good enough to be myself. I'm never wasting my time if I'm going after my dream or filling that passion that the Lord has filled me with. It will never be a waste.
I am never not old enough. I am never too young. I would love to just see the joy in this weekend and see the joy that this next year will bring.
I'll be in college, so much will have changed a year from today. We know so little about what God's huge plan is for us, but I'm delighted in His plan for my weekend. Absolutely head-over-heals filled with joy and love for the girls and the time I'll have starting at 10am tomorrow. Two more classes and I'll be free to enjoy the sunshine, the plane ride, the giggles and the joy. I cannot wait to soak up every single moment of it.
God is good.
Posted by Mackenzie at 10:22 PM